A reader asks: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. The sex is pretty good but I feel like he could be more dominant. I’ve hinted at it and even said outright that I want him to take charge more. He does it for awhile but then goes back to his old ways. What can I do?
Dear reader,
Not everyone likes to talk about sex. For lots of people talking about what you want in the bedroom ruins the fantasy and it isn’t hot. This is probably because we have been fed this notion that there is a “right person” for us out there, and when we find them things will just click and the sex will be amazing and we will live happily ever after. So, for some people having frank discussions about likes and dislikes sex-wise makes things clinical and unsatisfying.
Also, sometimes if you try and talk to a partner about experimenting with something new sexually they feel like you are saying they are a bad lay and then the sex gets even worse because they feel awkward and inadequate.
I know that I personally can’t let loose when the fear of being judged or laughed at is present, so start by stroking his ego and making him feel safe. Tell him how much you love it when he takes charge. Show him — moan louder, be more enthusiastic. When he sees how much you are getting off on it he will start getting off on it too and that will give him the freedom to unleash his inner dom.
The bottom line: Never underestimate the power of positive reinforcement.
Xoxo
Princess Donna